It is 7.30 am on a Saturday morning. She is still in her pyjamas, sipping hot coffee in silence, a cooking book on her lap, trying to persuade herself she feels cosy and relaxed. No rush today, no we-are-getting-late-for-school haste, nothing urgent on the list. It promises to be a calm, low-paced day full of smiles and happy family moments.
Then it comes up again… That suffocating sense of pressure, as if too heavy a burden has just landed on her shoulders. It overwhelms her and evokes an instant and severe headache (she wonders if a massive quantity of her brain cells is being irrevocably killed right now). And of course, it destroys completely the beauty of her morning coffee ritual.
She is determined to fight it back. She must not allow it to triumph ruining one more day. Not just a day, but a Saturday! Yet, she feels weak, so weak and tired. Her coffee is now cold, an unpleasant sour drink she no longer wants to taste. The new recipe she was about to try today will have to wait. She takes a deep breath in and then, exhales through the nose, just like Yoga has taught her. Hopefully, the terrible migraine will go away. Hopefully, that ugly anxiety will finally loosen its grip.
Nothing happens. She still feels her temples pulsing, she can even hear the drumming (is she going mad?). Her mind is overloaded. A feeling close to panic and despair that she cannot explain seems to be taking full control of her. How come an emotion can cause a physical pain?
She decides to give it another shot. She sits back on the couch and closes her eyes. This time it should work. A precious flash of tranquillity… Just then, her son opens the door with as much noise as this simple act can produce, “You don’t need all your might to open an unlocked door, my boy”, she murmurs. Her “me-time” because of which she gets up earlier is over. Well, this is cruel…
Get up, Mummy! Forget about your stress levels and sweep them under the rug, the very same funny colourful rug that your child is about to play on. Forget about the drums in your head, too. Your kid’s loud talking will soon silence them anyway. Now, go to the kitchen where you were supposed to be and make him a breakfast. Maybe, something special because it is Saturday. But make sure it is healthy. And hurry up! He’ll be so hungry in a while.
No time to deal with what you believe to be stress. A popular phenomenon nowadays, isn’t it? Get back to work, Mum. Your attempts to beat stress, tiredness, melancholy, whatever are being put off for hm… another Saturday?
All of a sudden, brightness comes back. A mild voice whispers, “Do you remember yesterday when you desperately wished your boy could stay little forever so you can hug and kiss him whenever you please without being rejected, so you can hold him and inhale the sweet scent of his hair? Do you remember you have that same wish every single day? Do you remember how you feel about your child growing up? You are so proud and happy, but it also tears your heart out because you know he’ll be an adult in the twinkling of an eye and you’ll no longer be his entire world. His adored mummy he cuddles tightly in those frequent moments of affection… You have taken them for granted, haven’t you?…”
Epiphany. Like the James Joyce’s Epiphanies or simply a lucid realisation? She knows not. All she knows is that she needs to be quick. She must give her boy a big hug; she hasn’t skipped a morning since his birth. No way she skips this one.
Hurry up, mummy! Your child is waiting for your tender caresses. Enjoy this blessing while you still have the chance…
*Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.* 😉
Thank you for reading.